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(1) * Arrive with and ear-to-ear smile and tell people how much Jesus loves them, while dropping hints as to how little they deserve it.(2) Always look for ways to cause others to feel unspiritual and inadequate. That way, they will either "need" you more, or else they'll disappear and at least not be in your way.
(3) When someone speaks or does a good thing, always point
out how they could have spoken it or done it better.(4) Destroy authentic love for God by causing poeple to focus on self and their sin and on how well or how poorly they are performing. Do that by telling them that God GREATLY loves them but that His commitment to them is uncertain, depending on their performance in
this lifetime.(5) Talk about "unconditional love" unceasingly, and at the same time demonstrate intolerance for failure, spontaneity, diversity. That way people will soon learn all of the conditions that they must fulfill in order to qualify for being a recipient of your (and "God's") unconditional love.
(6) Learn to keep people a little jumpy and nervous about how you
will respond to them. That way they will never let you know how they honestly feel. Then you can be surrounded with artificial friends who will always say exactly what they think you want to hear--whether it helps you are not.(7) Teach people that God is Soooo Loving but that He also can explode into vindictive RAGE on occasions--and often harbors such rage forever. Thus you'll insure that He also is surrounded with artificial friends and worshippers that are always saying what they think he wants to hear.
(8) Denounce performance-based religiosity and legalism--as often and as loudly as possible. At the same time keep perpetuating the message that god values those who perform and gets rid of those who do not.
(9) The phrase "why do you always.....?" is a good one for
keeping folks feeling a bit intimidated, uncomfortable and guilty...(10) And if that one doesn't work "the problem with YOU is.....!"
can often bring powerful (if not always predictable) results.(11) And don't forget to try to keep folks focused on "worship and praise" of the god who is only as reliable as you and they are. If it doesn't turn them into atheists and agnostics, it is SURE to turn them into religious nutcases sooner or later!
Charlie